Polyamory vs Polyfidelity

polyfi

Polyamory is a term meaning More than one love (Greek Poly = Multiple + Latin Amor = Love). It’s probably more accurate to use it to refer to ‘one who has many lovers’.

But a lot of people have multiple simultaneous lovers and they aren’t Polyamorous, why is that?

In fact, it’s quite common to have more than one sexual partner at a time.

Some of them are ongoing, some one them maybe very short term, it could be a string or succession of lovers, or simply going out with many people and building multiple relationships differently.

Unless you have no heart, you must have some feeling towards the people you are intimate with, and those feelings can be ongoing, even if the relationship isn’t, or the relationship may pick up again just for the time you’re together, and the feelings be left for those moments.

How that differs from Polyamory, in essence, is that the people you are intimate with all know about the other partners. Mind blown, right?

I mean, why would you bother telling anyone? How could that improve the dynamics in any of the relationships, as opposed to leaving them in the dark?

Well, for one, it’s honest. A lot of people would rather have a rather uncomfortable truth than a comforting lie.

It also helps with identifying who your partners are or have been or might be sexually active with, which is a very important part of any safe sexual relationship, and one you’re most certainly never going to hear the truth of otherwise.

Another slight difference between Polyamory and normal relationships is that, essentially, polyamory lets each partner enjoy life as if they were single, when it comes to meeting people, dating and being intimate, with the exception of telling people they’re going to date or be intimate that they are with one or more other partners intimately, and their other partners also know of this encounter.

It essentially becomes a relationship generally between two main people, usually cohabitants, who have a long term relationship, who may even be married or as close to it as you can get, who agree to date other people.

The obvious bonus to this type of arrangement is not having to end one relationship just to pursue feeling which might arise between you and another person, which would normally force you to break up your current relationship, even if you love each other very much.

This is the essence of Polyamory, the innate ability to love more than one person at a time, without diminishing the love you have for any others.

A common Polyamorous quote is “Loving one person doesn’t mean less love for anyone else. It’s not pie.”

America has one of the highest divorce rates in America. Polyamorous people tend to believe the cause of this is that they can’t pursue other avenues with different people while maintaining a strong home life together, and so any slight deviance from absolute fidelity to only the one person generally leads to divorce, or at least flying dishes and a wounds that may never heal from feeling of betrayal.

Polyamory seeks to eliminate the pangs of betrayal and secrets & lies by communicating openly about their sexual desires and feelings for other people, and then asking permission if they can pursue the encounter or relationship. They can then discuss the encounter or other person openly together afterwards, etc. The caveat of course being the person they are interested in has to be informed and ok with it, which many people just aren’t going to be.

There is a very real pain that comes from seeing or even thinking about the person you love being with another person. A lot of people refer to that as jealousy, or even insecurity. Others view it as possessiveness or unhealthy obsession that should be overcome.

Still others see love as allowing each other to be free, that nobody can own or possess another human being.

Marriage Licenses appear to many to be archaic chauvinistic rights to ownership and possession over another, as a binding contract forcing someone to be with you, almost like indentured servitude or even slavery to an extent.

Still, the pain is real, and many people will never be able to become polyamorous for this reason alone. The feeling of the person they love lying with another is too painful, or they are too proud to allow any person they are with to be with someone else, as if telling them they aren’t good enough for them, or not fulfilling every part of their desires somehow, which is a blow to the ego.

Many people have an innate need or desire to possess their partner completely, or even control every aspect of their lives and freedom. Until very recently, it was considered unseemly for a woman to be outside the home, especially around other men. This was also the era when essentially any woman, especially unmarried ones, could be freely groped, propositioned for sex, and often even raped. Many religions, such as Muslims, Mormons, and many Christian and non-Christian religions have protected their women against such primitive carnal brutalities by forcing them to cover their bodies up, even their hair and necks, even their shoulders and knees and thighs and mid-rib, back, upper chest etc, and demanding they don’t go outside, and if they do, they aren’t to talk to any men or look at other men even.

A lot of Polyamorous people don’t see demanding you belong to only one person as something very far removed from these same misogynistic, chauvinistic, male-dominated, male-enforced human rights atrocities inflicted on women and children for millennia.

Amongst the Polyamorous, it’s often said that in any relationship which is truly healthy, supportive, and based in love, there needs to be a certain level of trust and freedom to allow your partners to explore in a personally intrinsic way, as is the essence of life for each of us.

People are, at their core, afraid of getting hurt, and very defensive of their own weaknesses.

However, within Polyamory there are many types of dynamics. For example, if a woman is feeling insecure about her man going with other girls, she can communicate that, and perhaps their solution is he can only be with other girls as long as she has met them first, and they do anything intimate in their home while she’s there.

It could mean that a woman tells her man she would like to be intimate with other men, and he feels insecure and angry, and she tells him that she would like him there too, and they agree to only do it under those circumstances.

Polyamorous relationships are something that has been going on in the LGBTQ community for far longer than it has been in the mainstream heterosexual relationships, and those could go as many ways as they need to, according to the needs, feelings and desires and general consensus of those involved.

In all, Polyamorous relationships are focused on meaningful relationships, with caring and feelings, and are not simply sex based.

However, there has always been a darker subset of Polyamory which is essentially just Swingers in Open relationships, that have been around since the shady ads in the back of of old magazines. These people are essentially just looking to hook up for sex, and looking for sex multiple partners.

This is actually just swinging, and has nothing to do with Polyamory, but is sadly a very large segment of people using the term Polyamory.

A Unicorn originally meant a magical person who would fulfill your life, who was as hard to find as a unicorn, as people ok with and wanting to be in Poly relationships are perhaps the hardest to find. It has since come to simply mean a person who joins a couple for sex.

That type of sex is simply a Ménage à Trois, or even an orgy. These are simply sex-based encounters for people wishing to add spice to their lives or stagnant relationships. There’s of course nothing wrong with people living however they wish to live, but it shouldn’t be termed together with Polyamory, as the key definition of Polyamory is Love, and thus some type of meaningful connection and feelings.

What typically is referred to as Polyamory, however, is actually really just NSA sex. There are many people calling themselves Polyamorous who are essentially just a couple wanting Unicorns to Spit-roast between them for NSA sex.

But of course not all. Many Polyamorous people do have a “home” with a “family” which is generally the main couple they are with.

However, Polyamory isn’t about Couples, it’s about Throuples, & Quadrouples etc.

It’s quite a common situation where a couple wanting to experiment with polyamory will agree on either a male (if the man would is bisexual or bicurious) or female (if the woman is bisexual or bicurious), or whoever they have a shared interest in, and have that one person come be with them. If the other person is just watching, it kind of crosses into Swinging rather than Polyamory, but its a bit of a grey area.

Polyamory is probably most often not ever together as three or more people, but simply two or more completely heterosexual people who have completely heterosexual relationships with other people away from their primary or other partners.  This is essentially just an Open Relationship, but if the other relationships are loving and meaningful, it becomes polyamory, and not simply swinging.

3 or more people together is often unheard of i Polyamory in really conservative places where almost nobody is LGBTQIA+. In more liberal places, however, the norm is definitely, 3 or more people together in a relationship. This could be 3 or 4 girls, or 3 or 4 guys, or a guy and 2 or 3 girls, or a girl and 2 or 3 guys, where each person is equally involved with the others, but could extend also to relations with other people outside the main people in the main relationship.

Ethical Non-Monogamy is a general ambiguous umbrella term used for both Polyamory and Swinging.

Polyfidelity

Polyfidelity is a type of relationship where everyone involved is quite committed, just like you would in a normal two-person relationship, except it’s with 3 or 4 people.

PolyFi differs from most Polyamory in that there’s no need to try and overcome the pain of seeing people together etc, because everyone in the relationship is equal.

PolyFiis never about a couple +1or2, but as an equal triad, where all partners are equal and equally loved, and hold an equal part of the relationship, and are equally invested and included.

PolyFiis very much like Monogamy, and can be said to be the Polyamorous equivalent of Monogamy. Polyfidelitous relationships are as meaningful, deep, loving and committed as any relationship any two people have ever been in, except with the inclusion of another person or people.

In Polyfidelity, there are no Unicorns, no couples, no us vs you or you vs them, no unknown anticipation as to who means what to whom, etc. It’s just an equal relationship all around, and you treat each other the same way you’d treat your primary boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse.

When a group of Polyamorous people decide to stay committed to each other, they become Polyfidelitous. When they essentially stop seeing or dating others, and nobody is going to have sex with anyone outside the Polyfidelitous relationship, and a person is only added to the PolyFi relationship if everyone in the relationship knows and likes or loves them and wants to be with them equally as well.

Polyfidelitous is what Polyamorous people are when they choose to have a family together, share children, share domestic & financial responsibilities, buy a house together, and be domestic partners who aren’t legally all allowed to be married, much as two-person LGBTQ marriages have been in the past. and Like LGBTQ relationships, the people may travel to another country to get married, for their own benefit and to show their love to each other, even.

The primary benefits to this are of course, sharing of Financial burden, almost everyone today needs multiple jobs, and two people really can’t even cut it today, especially for millennials, and Polyfidelity may be the perfect solution to Financial Security, Financial Freedom, Wealth-building & Home Ownership.

Job Security, if one person loses their job, the other people can still support everyone.

Other benefits include complete sexual security and safety, as you get in Long-term Monogamous relationships.

Raising Children is much easier when one person can stay home with the baby and the other 2 or 3 people are going off to work, so you still get multiple-incomes while raising the baby. The other people can still date while one person stays home with the baby, rotating the person who stays home.

You can always have the feeling of having sex with another person, your whole life, safely and together with those you love.

You have the security and peace of mind that comes with knowing everyone you are with loves you and is committed to you, same as you get in monogamous relationships.

A lot of people tend to agree that 4 people is better than 3, or even numbers are better than odd, so everyone can always be with someone, without awkward left-out moments.

Polyfidelity is the ideal relationship for most people who aren’t solely looking for lots of random NSA hookups, and is a relationship that even a lot of very monogamous people who enjoy such closed relationships can abide happily, provided they are all able to be intimate with all people together, or however they all agree to function.

Polyfidelity of course differs from Bigamy (a man with two wives) or Polygamy (a man with multiple wives) as there may not even be any men present, it could be all women, or even all men, or the one man with multiple bisexual women, or one woman with multiple bisexual men, or multiple bisexual men & women, and all are together equally, and none belonging to a man, and unable to be intimate with each other.

Polgamy and Bigamy have always been highly bigoted & chauvinistic, revolving around a man. Though the terms themselves could rightly be applied to to Polyfidelitous people who were allowed to legally marry, were the terms not to possess such horrific and off-putting stigma of male oppression.

Symbols:

☙  looks like the Heart + Infinity Symbol, a Poly symbol of endless or limitless love. Except its kind of open on the one side, which I kind of like, kind of like saying “it’s not a contract!”. The Character is the Reverse Rotated Floral Heart Bullet, which is a flipped Fleuron, found in the Miscellaneous Symbols Unicode Block, at Unicode U+2619 & HTML “&#”9753;

is the same as above but the other direction, a normal Fleuron. It’s the Rotated Floral Heart Bullet found in the Dingbats Unicode Block, at Unicode U+2767 & HTML “&#”10087;

π

π is the Lowercase Greek letter pi, the first letter in the Greek word Poly, πολύς, and is a common symbol for Polyamory. It’s in the Greek and Coptic Unicode Block, at Unicode U+03C0 & HTML “&#”960;

πᶠⁱ

This is the symbol for Polyfidelity, or PolyFi.

The ‘f’ Superscript symbol is called the Modifier Letter Small F, and is found in the Phonetic Extensions Supplement Unicode Block, at U+1DA0 & HTML “&#”7584;

The ‘i’ Superscript symbol is called the Superscript Latin Small Letter I, and is found in the Superscripts & Subscripts Unicode Block, at U+2071 & HTML “&#”8305;

The F & I Align in a number of common fonts, just obviously not in the font of this current wordpress theme

Be sure and remove the quotation marks if you are Typing the HTML Code.

 

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